i once cleaned my contact with tequila and put it back in my eye. i once threw a trash can at a hotdog stand. i once got in a fight with a man dressed as a woman. i once was chased by any argry mob down a street. i once stole a garden gnome. i once was kicked off a pirate ship. i once assulted someone with an eggplant. i once slept with a girl and told her my name was steve. i once drop kicked a coffee table. i once almost died. i once got a speeding ticket whilst on my way to pay a speeding ticket. i once grabbed a college football mascots ass and was subsequently assulted by said mascot.